we had waited so long, because I had imagined it feeling differently or because of the absolutely wonderful drugs they gave me to help with the pain (LOL), but somewhere between becoming pregnant and now I expected it to sink in, hit home or feel real but it hadn't...until this week. It's so hard to describe these kind of emotional things, but this week it finally all became very real for me. For whatever reason Chandani has become VERY attached to me! She does ok with other people for a bit, but then will cry and cry until I hold her again. It's just like that too...crazy crying and then as soon as she's in my arms she stops. It's worried me a little because I want her to feel secure and comfortable with family and good friends, but I also can't stand to see her upset either. It's become apparently clear to me now how much she needs me and that I am her mommy through and through. It's so humbling, yet stressful to think how much Chandani needs me 24/7 and that no one can take my place as her mother. This sweet little angel is depending on me and I can't let her down. She helps me get up in the morning, she makes me want to clean my house from top to bottom and she makes me want to love more, push harder and be better. What a miracle these little spirits are!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
A Dream Come True...
Looking back now Chandani's birth was so surreal...like a dream almost. I can't quite put my finger on it, but the whole pregnancy even up to the birth just never felt real for some reason. I don't know if it's because
we had waited so long, because I had imagined it feeling differently or because of the absolutely wonderful drugs they gave me to help with the pain (LOL), but somewhere between becoming pregnant and now I expected it to sink in, hit home or feel real but it hadn't...until this week. It's so hard to describe these kind of emotional things, but this week it finally all became very real for me. For whatever reason Chandani has become VERY attached to me! She does ok with other people for a bit, but then will cry and cry until I hold her again. It's just like that too...crazy crying and then as soon as she's in my arms she stops. It's worried me a little because I want her to feel secure and comfortable with family and good friends, but I also can't stand to see her upset either. It's become apparently clear to me now how much she needs me and that I am her mommy through and through. It's so humbling, yet stressful to think how much Chandani needs me 24/7 and that no one can take my place as her mother. This sweet little angel is depending on me and I can't let her down. She helps me get up in the morning, she makes me want to clean my house from top to bottom and she makes me want to love more, push harder and be better. What a miracle these little spirits are!
we had waited so long, because I had imagined it feeling differently or because of the absolutely wonderful drugs they gave me to help with the pain (LOL), but somewhere between becoming pregnant and now I expected it to sink in, hit home or feel real but it hadn't...until this week. It's so hard to describe these kind of emotional things, but this week it finally all became very real for me. For whatever reason Chandani has become VERY attached to me! She does ok with other people for a bit, but then will cry and cry until I hold her again. It's just like that too...crazy crying and then as soon as she's in my arms she stops. It's worried me a little because I want her to feel secure and comfortable with family and good friends, but I also can't stand to see her upset either. It's become apparently clear to me now how much she needs me and that I am her mommy through and through. It's so humbling, yet stressful to think how much Chandani needs me 24/7 and that no one can take my place as her mother. This sweet little angel is depending on me and I can't let her down. She helps me get up in the morning, she makes me want to clean my house from top to bottom and she makes me want to love more, push harder and be better. What a miracle these little spirits are!
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