Friday, July 18, 2014

In My Pretty Garden

So, the same woman who couldn't keep a plant alive to save her life is now a gardener!  It all started with a Relief Society activity that I wasn't even sure I would even attend.  Lots had been going on and I almost didn't go.  However, the sweet spirit that I felt was just what my tired heart needed and the bonus was getting to try my hand at planting and growing.  I took my cute little tub and proceeded to plant basil, chives, and cilantro.  I carefully planted each seed, probably asking a million questions as I did, and covered them with care.  I knew there was a good chance that I would be sending these little seeds to their death soon, but decided to be hopeful nonetheless.

I carefully watered my little herb garden daily, even usually an old medicine dropper that I used on Chandani as a baby.  Watering my little garden became a daily ritual and I began to just do it without thinking.  Then one day I saw my first spouts and my heart was filled with pride over my accomplishment.  It might sound silly, but I had never seen anything grow from a seed, and at a might hand, so I was beyond elated at this little miracle I had performed.

I continued to water it daily and watch it bloom and grow with beaming pride.  Then, Chandani proceeded to bring home two little corn plants that they had grown in school.  She loved to help water my little garden and was ecstatic to add her little plants to the mix.  Before long her corn plants had outgrown their small little plastic cup and it was time to try moving part of our little garden outside,  this thought was scary!  I knew how carefully I had cared for these little plants in the safety of my kitchen window, but now I would be introducing our little corn plants to the heat, bugs, and other outside extremities.  However, I knew I would continue to love and care for it all the more so we made the leap and planted it outside with fingers crossed.

Skip ahead a month or two and we now have our beloved corn plants (which are almost as tall as Chandani), a tangerine tree, pineapple sage, two types of thyme, red and yellow bell peppers, our little herb garden still thriving, and two different types of hot peppers all growing and flourishing... not to mention a beautiful bush that I cloned from a cutting that my mother-in-law also gave along with a few of those other plants we're growing.  I  have developed such a love and tending to my little helpless plants and giving them what they need, as I water them and fertilize them regularly.

However, gardening has become more than a cherished past-time for me in the past few weeks.  It has become a sort of therapeutic metaphor for my life right now.   I recently went to our beloved fertility doctors to prepare to try again, only to come away with a new, crippling diagnosis of Adenomyosis.  Basically stated it is similar to Endometriosis and might causing my own "soil" to not be conducive for "growing" anymore :-(  The thought caused me so much pain that I truly didn't think I could handle this news, but the master gardener had prepared me for this blow without my even knowing it.  He had given me an abundance of the spirit in the weeks and days leading up to that appointment.  The Savior had touched my heart just seconds before the doctor walked in, as I bowed my head and began praying a prayer that I had not planned to pray.  He knew that he could not take a way the pain and sadness I would feel upon learning this terrible news, but he made sure to stand ready to comfort me when that time came.

Now, as I tend to my little fledging plants, I have a new perspective, with open eyes and an open heart.  I cannot protect them from the burning sun, the ripping winds, or the birds and insects that pick and tear as their leaves.  However, I can stand ever ready with my watering can to comfort them with life-giving water that can refresh and revive.  I do not know what lies in store for me or if my most earnest prayer will be answered or not, for I have not been granted such personal revelation, but what I do know is that my Savior is aware of me.  So I will continue on and be as hopeful as I was that first night that I planted my first seeds and try to be a patient gardener with my trust firmly planted in the Master Gardener!

3 comments:

  1. You are such a strong wonderful person Carrie. We love you.

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  2. What a beautiful post! (And you give me hope that one day I will be able to garden, too... I'm still in the "I kill every plant I touch" phase.)

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